the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
