Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
