is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
