Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
she smelled like a LAN party
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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