was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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