I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
