last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
