I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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