It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I fill condoms, not promises.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
