you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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