; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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