Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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