we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
