I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
