Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
