He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
