My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
