your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
