My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
