Umm I'm too high to move.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
