My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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