why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
