Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
