is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
