i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
