I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
