So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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