he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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