I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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