i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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