i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
