Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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