Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
