I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
