Are we in a gay sports bar?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
