he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
