Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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