So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I am available for nakedness
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
