I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
