That's when you crack a 10am beer
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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