I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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