I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
oh god the rape fog is back!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
