i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
