dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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