She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
