if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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