So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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