"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
