i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
