he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
