never play flip cup with pint glasses
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
