His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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