shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
