Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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